Unseen Dimension of a Writer’s Journey
Some stories do more than entertain — they give voice to whispers long silenced by time. That’s what I set out to do with Flower in the River, a fictional retelling of my family’s experience with the Eastland Disaster, centered around Zara, who mirrors my own journey. Fast forward to March 2023, when I dove into podcasting after guesting on various shows. Turns out, I had more questions I wanted to answer, so I figured, why not ask them myself? What started as an extension of the book has grown into its own dynamic entity, full of unexpected insights, buried memories, and stories I never saw coming.
My Own Hidden Past
My podcast episodes often dive into how my life sneaks its way into my creative process, shaping not just me but my fictional characters too. Case in point…
Ursuline College - My Own Wonder Years
LIFE WAS GREAT when I was a student at Ursuline College, a Catholic school in Ohio. I loved my classes, the campus was like something out of a postcard, and the Ursuline sisters who taught were this delightful mystery to me — I wasn’t Catholic, so they were a novelty in my world. Everything was smooth sailing, until, in a split second, the world flipped upside down.
One of those sisters, Sister Dorothy Kazel, was murdered in El Salvador along with three other women missionaries. It was like the air had been sucked out of the place. The whole college was shattered—grief took hold, and suddenly, life felt fragile, uncertain. A terrible reality set in: someone we knew, someone from our community, was gone. They had ventured into danger with faith, only to meet a savage end. The world spun on, senselessly, while we were left trying to make sense of it all.
Meet my Ursuline College Advisor: Sister M. Canisius Horrigan, O.S.U.
Shortly after that, I sat with my advisor, a seasoned nun who had known Dorothy very well. Sister Canisius wept, her words barely a whisper, “Why would someone do this to our dear little nun?”
My heart beat violently in my chest as my tears flowed.
“I don’t know, Sister,” I replied through the sobs. “I just don’t know.”
Senseless cruelty, barbaric actions, a puzzle too painful to decipher. I seethed, fury coursing through me. A thirst for justice, a raw yearning for retribution. Those beasts dared to tread this path of horror and escape? They shall pay. They must.
Sister M. Canisius Horrigan, OSU, who taught Science at Ursuline College and served as student advisor from 1947 - 1986.
My other favorite quote from Sister Canisius was, “Oh honey, you’re paying for school yourself? Let’s just see how we can get you graduated sooner.” And sure enough, she worked her magic. I did indeed test out of seven classes, and on top of that, she had me write a paper on my four years in inner-city Detroit, which earned me an additional 20 semester credits. Those credits helped move me along faster, but make no mistake—I graduated Cum Laude and worked hard for it. Sister Canisius was the academic version of a fairy godmother—minus the wand, but armed with a crucifix and a well-timed rosary for good measure.
Sister Canisius and I bonded over time, and I’m pretty sure the shared experience of Sister Dorothy Kazel’s death played a big part in that. She was a woman of deep faith. Me? Not so much at that point. But when I was getting ready to graduate, I had worked out some things from the religion I was brought up in and was getting ready to head off to Luther Seminary to study theology,
Sister Canisius paused, gave me a thoughtful look, and asked, “Would you ever consider joining our community?”
Now, let’s just say I wasn’t prepared for that. So I did what I always do when I’m caught off guard—I cracked a joke. “Uh, no, Sister. I mean, the Catholics have never done anything to me. But the Lutherans? Hmmm… there’s some scores to settle. They don’t know it yet, but they deserve me!”
Beyond Making Sense: The Quest for Meaning
In an uncanny twist of fate, we were diving into Viktor Frankl’s “Man’s Search for Meaning” in our Philosophy class, led by another much-loved Ursuline—Sister James Therese. Amid the chaos, this coincidence offered an anchoring beacon, a fortress of strength.
Sister James Therese (Ann Kelly), O.S.U.
Frankl, who lost everything in the fires of Auschwitz, found a path through the darkest night. Upon liberation, he gave birth to logotherapy, a therapeutic approach centering on the pursuit of life’s meaning and purpose as key to well-being. He concluded that our most profound drive is this search for meaning. Even within the heart of tragedy, one can — and must — unearth purpose, a reason to continue the dance of life.
The Rage of Angels
But that rage was countered by the spirit of the Ursuline community. I’m not religious. Or maybe it’s more accurate to say that I follow my own path when it comes to faith. Yet, I think I witnessed something of a miracle when I was there. It was a slow build-up at first, but then, it took over. What was “it” exactly? Hard to say exactly.
After Dorothy’s death, many in the Ursuline community took up her mantle, becoming more politically active and speaking out against institutions like the SOA, which trained those responsible for her murder.
I didn’t believe that forward momentum was possible at first. But the sisters’ commitment to engage in this struggle was so inspiring and so transformative. First, they carried on the work that Sister Dorothy could not finish. Oh, and please don’t think of the Ursulines as docile and meek.No way! Instead, envision a squadron of Joan of Arcs. They did not go quietly into the good night but spoke truth to power. To this day, they continue reshaping and changing the world — forty-plus years later.
The Final Takeaway
Although I was there and witnessed the aftermath, I seldom speak of it. Still, it lives inside me, and since then, I always felt that it was my job to find meaning. That became evident as I was writing “Flower in the River.” My protagonist only finds her footing when she stops trying to make sense of the tragedy but instead embarks on her own search for meaning.
As you continue your creative endeavors, I might suggest that you stop and listen. Listen to past experiences that may find their way into your storytelling. Even distant echoes may hold the power to touch hearts, inspire minds, and create profound connections — beginning with your own.
Note: The inspiration for this article came from my Flower in the River podcast, Episode 16. A Quest for Meaning in Shadows of Adversity. UPDATED September 15, 2024.
Link:
A Quest for Meaning in Shadows of Adversity, Flower in the River Podcast, Ep. 16
Sister Dorothy Kazel’s photo and prayer card from her memorial service at Ursuline College, Pepper Pike, OH
